Our adoption journey took a very sharp turn yesterday....
Please read our story HERE
We'll write more here later, it just seemed silly to write it out twice.
Blessings ~
Kate
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
A little ghost named 'What if' has moved into my house.
As we move on to the next chapter of our adoption (details to come) I can't help but feel haunted by a little girl we had already made a part of our lives.
She will never physically live here, but we have memories of her, and memories of our dreams for her. We have pictures and little 2T outfits that would have looked really good with her dark blonde hair and big blue eyes with the tags still on them. I found a paper with Oleksandra's region written on it, and the google search still comes up on my computer. We researched hospitals and surgeons that might help her little hands and feet, and when we hear a name similiar it hits us that all that information is unnecessary now.
I don't just wonder what she is doing now, I am sure she is doing great with her forever family. But I feel haunted by what she would be doing with us. We would likely be traveling now (had circumstances been different) and I can't seem to stop my brain from playing over and over again our trip to our son and wonder what might have been the same, what might have been different.
She will just always be 'missing' in our lives. I know she was not ever ours and won't be, and we accept that. But there is a weird little ghost of what could have been that just seems to creep up everywhere and bite me right behind the eyes.
No matter what beautiful chapter lies ahead, Oleksandra won't be there. I am sure it is a beautiful chapter, a chapter that could not have happened if she was here - and I hope that opening that chapter with all it's beauty and blessings and challenges will allow us to miss her, but realize that this was what was always 'meant to be'.
I don't know if I am explaining it right, or if I am just being redundant - I'm just saying - the new 'little sister' will not replace her. When our new little girl comes home (God willing) we will introduce her to her big sister & brother, and we'll still feel Oleksandra is missing from the picture.
There is no way to 'fix it' - it is just what is going on in my brain right now.
She will never physically live here, but we have memories of her, and memories of our dreams for her. We have pictures and little 2T outfits that would have looked really good with her dark blonde hair and big blue eyes with the tags still on them. I found a paper with Oleksandra's region written on it, and the google search still comes up on my computer. We researched hospitals and surgeons that might help her little hands and feet, and when we hear a name similiar it hits us that all that information is unnecessary now.
I don't just wonder what she is doing now, I am sure she is doing great with her forever family. But I feel haunted by what she would be doing with us. We would likely be traveling now (had circumstances been different) and I can't seem to stop my brain from playing over and over again our trip to our son and wonder what might have been the same, what might have been different.
She will just always be 'missing' in our lives. I know she was not ever ours and won't be, and we accept that. But there is a weird little ghost of what could have been that just seems to creep up everywhere and bite me right behind the eyes.
No matter what beautiful chapter lies ahead, Oleksandra won't be there. I am sure it is a beautiful chapter, a chapter that could not have happened if she was here - and I hope that opening that chapter with all it's beauty and blessings and challenges will allow us to miss her, but realize that this was what was always 'meant to be'.
I don't know if I am explaining it right, or if I am just being redundant - I'm just saying - the new 'little sister' will not replace her. When our new little girl comes home (God willing) we will introduce her to her big sister & brother, and we'll still feel Oleksandra is missing from the picture.
There is no way to 'fix it' - it is just what is going on in my brain right now.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Update - sort of
we did hear back about the little girl in Oleksandra's country - not sure when her release date is & if we would be starting from square one - waiting on that info. She is a very cute little girl, she has lots of challenges but we feel confident that we could meet them.
Also praying about other options.
Her country is still a difficult program - feeling so indecisive - please pray God just opens a door WIDE open for us and makes it easy. I know that sounds lame, but that is kinda what we feel we need right now.
Kate
Also praying about other options.
Her country is still a difficult program - feeling so indecisive - please pray God just opens a door WIDE open for us and makes it easy. I know that sounds lame, but that is kinda what we feel we need right now.
Kate
Sunday, May 29, 2011
*sigh* rambling update - not really an update on anything except my thoughts really....
So - we are doing our best to be patient.
We have asked about another child in Oleksandra's country - we only know that she will not be released for international adoption until at least August & our paperwork would need to be redone (not all of it - but a lot)
Her medical condition was extremely vague - getting more info has not been easy - we have heard nothing.
We are trying to be patient, with all the upset in her country I am sure there are lots of families keeping the whole RR team very busy.
We are starting to look elsewhere - other countries - we know we will adopt a special needs girl someday - seriously not sure where - it really has only been a few weeks since we heard that Oleksandra had been adopted.
May 4th exactly - it seriously boggles my mind still. We knew it was legally possible, but I just can't fully wrap my head around it. I think we will always miss her - I don't know if that is appropriate, but I will. My heart hopes some day to meet her in heaven, and I don't mean that in a trite way, I honestly mean it. We seriously loved that little girl. We know we will never meet her on Earth. I will continue to pray for her, and I really do look forward to the opportunity of someday meeting her - how awesome would that be?!
I try to remind myself that beautiful girl has been loved and cherished by her family, being jealous of her family has subsided somewhat - but I am still a little jealous.
Please pray for our adoption process - we would like to hear back about this little girl we asked about in Oleksandra's country, we've also asked about (and had info sent over) about a BEAUTIFUL little girl in Tawain.
We want more than anything to support RR - we have prayed for & supported this organization in some way since we found it just a few months after we adopted our son (over 3 years ago) - it has literally been our dream.
Anyway - sorry for the rambling, I just hadn't updated in a while and thought I should.
Please pray for our adoption process -we know God has called us to adopt a special needs orphan...just trying to figure out where she is from. Please pray for us as we continue to mourn 'Claire'.
Kate
We have asked about another child in Oleksandra's country - we only know that she will not be released for international adoption until at least August & our paperwork would need to be redone (not all of it - but a lot)
Her medical condition was extremely vague - getting more info has not been easy - we have heard nothing.
We are trying to be patient, with all the upset in her country I am sure there are lots of families keeping the whole RR team very busy.
We are starting to look elsewhere - other countries - we know we will adopt a special needs girl someday - seriously not sure where - it really has only been a few weeks since we heard that Oleksandra had been adopted.
May 4th exactly - it seriously boggles my mind still. We knew it was legally possible, but I just can't fully wrap my head around it. I think we will always miss her - I don't know if that is appropriate, but I will. My heart hopes some day to meet her in heaven, and I don't mean that in a trite way, I honestly mean it. We seriously loved that little girl. We know we will never meet her on Earth. I will continue to pray for her, and I really do look forward to the opportunity of someday meeting her - how awesome would that be?!
I try to remind myself that beautiful girl has been loved and cherished by her family, being jealous of her family has subsided somewhat - but I am still a little jealous.
Please pray for our adoption process - we would like to hear back about this little girl we asked about in Oleksandra's country, we've also asked about (and had info sent over) about a BEAUTIFUL little girl in Tawain.
We want more than anything to support RR - we have prayed for & supported this organization in some way since we found it just a few months after we adopted our son (over 3 years ago) - it has literally been our dream.
Anyway - sorry for the rambling, I just hadn't updated in a while and thought I should.
Please pray for our adoption process -we know God has called us to adopt a special needs orphan...just trying to figure out where she is from. Please pray for us as we continue to mourn 'Claire'.
Kate
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Silver lining.........
A few days ago the country we planned to adopt Oleksandra from signed a law saying that children under the age of five could not be adopted by foreigners unless they had one of only a few very specific special needs.
Oleksandra's special need was not listed. This is absolutely no way we would have made it to her before this law was passed.
This is heartbreaking news for several of our friends still in the process and we pray that they are able to be grandfathered in - although I haven't heard if this will happen.... if you enjoy prayer please pray for these families and these children.
When I heard this news I did sigh a HUGE sigh of completely selfish relief. As terrible as it is that 'our' Oleksandra was adopted by another couple, we cannot imagine the sadness of knowing she would still be there in an orphanage & then an institution with our hands tied. All we know is someone jumped through all the hoops we did and just got there first - AND went 'blind referral' - which is a HUGE leap of faith. Nobody does that without investing a lot of love.
Overall the new is bad, but in our personal case, I was so happy to know this little girl we worked so hard to bring home to our family for more than 6 months, and who we had been praying for for nearly a year IS NOT AN ORPHAN. At the end of the day, that is all that really matters. We are sad, but we thank God she was not left behind.
'Our' little girl was saved, but I ask everyone to keep praying for the tens of thousands of orphans in her country. Please pray for stability, and that this law will perhaps become more open to allow other children to be adopted as well.
Kate
Oleksandra's special need was not listed. This is absolutely no way we would have made it to her before this law was passed.
This is heartbreaking news for several of our friends still in the process and we pray that they are able to be grandfathered in - although I haven't heard if this will happen.... if you enjoy prayer please pray for these families and these children.
When I heard this news I did sigh a HUGE sigh of completely selfish relief. As terrible as it is that 'our' Oleksandra was adopted by another couple, we cannot imagine the sadness of knowing she would still be there in an orphanage & then an institution with our hands tied. All we know is someone jumped through all the hoops we did and just got there first - AND went 'blind referral' - which is a HUGE leap of faith. Nobody does that without investing a lot of love.
Overall the new is bad, but in our personal case, I was so happy to know this little girl we worked so hard to bring home to our family for more than 6 months, and who we had been praying for for nearly a year IS NOT AN ORPHAN. At the end of the day, that is all that really matters. We are sad, but we thank God she was not left behind.
'Our' little girl was saved, but I ask everyone to keep praying for the tens of thousands of orphans in her country. Please pray for stability, and that this law will perhaps become more open to allow other children to be adopted as well.
Kate
Monday, May 16, 2011
I hate to admit it....but Michael Buble has a point.
So I know this is gonna offend a couple readers - but I REALLY do not like Michael Buble. I just think he is cheesy. Don't try to change my mind - I'm really set in this opinion.
That being said....
This morning I was listening to my beloved 'Jeff & Jer' on the radio. I have been listening to this duo literally since middle school and they make me happy. What does not make me happy - they are on KyXy - a station they used to make fun of, and that I make fun of. Again, no offense to those who listen to KyXy.
Well, I pretty much know how to time the commercials and the music (so I don't have to listen to them) and I flipped the channel at 'last lame song before Jeff & Jer should be back' time.
Wouldn't you know it - Michael McCheesy comes on - ugh! Well, I already knew the other station I was flipping between was on a commercial and I knew Jeff and Jer would be back at the end of McCheesy's lameness, so I actually kept the song on.
So, I guess I am in that stage of our issue where every song on the radio is about our situation.
Here's a YouTube video of 'Just Haven't Met You Yet' with lyrics - and as much as I hate to say it - Michael Buble made me feel better today.
Just goes to show you - God can use all kinds of tools ;)
We've been knocked down a couple times, closed doors, unopened doors, doors that looked one way & ended up being another - UGH! We are confused, but we know 'it'll all work out.'
I know that our confusion is shared by some other RR families or just other adoptive families, maybe this makes you feel better too.
That being said....
This morning I was listening to my beloved 'Jeff & Jer' on the radio. I have been listening to this duo literally since middle school and they make me happy. What does not make me happy - they are on KyXy - a station they used to make fun of, and that I make fun of. Again, no offense to those who listen to KyXy.
Well, I pretty much know how to time the commercials and the music (so I don't have to listen to them) and I flipped the channel at 'last lame song before Jeff & Jer should be back' time.
Wouldn't you know it - Michael McCheesy comes on - ugh! Well, I already knew the other station I was flipping between was on a commercial and I knew Jeff and Jer would be back at the end of McCheesy's lameness, so I actually kept the song on.
So, I guess I am in that stage of our issue where every song on the radio is about our situation.
Here's a YouTube video of 'Just Haven't Met You Yet' with lyrics - and as much as I hate to say it - Michael Buble made me feel better today.
Just goes to show you - God can use all kinds of tools ;)
We've been knocked down a couple times, closed doors, unopened doors, doors that looked one way & ended up being another - UGH! We are confused, but we know 'it'll all work out.'
I know that our confusion is shared by some other RR families or just other adoptive families, maybe this makes you feel better too.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
No news.....but we are trying!
I am sorry to report we have no news yet. We have asked about another little girl listed in Oleksandra's country - we of course would like to continue this journey there.
We've had a lot of closed doors - well, not closed doors I guess - just unanswered when we knocked.
Our 1st question is simply if she is available - we know now we cannot assume - so we asked for the facilitator to check. They are very busy, and we are trying to be patient.
We have paperwork that is set to expire very soon and we would likely have to resubmit portions of our dossier....
Given the fact that during the 'back & forth' is when 'our' Oleksandra found herself in another family - we are hesitant to continue once that paperwork expires - we just see ourselves falling into the same sadness.
We have a couple other countries we are looking at. I must admit - we are SO exhausted, emotionally and physically. It is so hard to hear our kid's ask 'When are we going to find our little sister?'
Who knew it would be so difficult to adopt a 'hard to place' orphan =/
It is a worthy cause and we would do it again, and we will continue this journey, but it has been a rough week or so - it doesn't sound that long, but this past week has seemed to be painfully long and the 'what if's' and the 'what now?' is driving us insane.
We know God has a plan, and we know that we aren't promised easy roads all the time - we know we chose this particularly difficult road (adoption) - we just pray to find the end of the tunnel soon!!
We appreciate your prayers & support in the meantime!
Kate
We've had a lot of closed doors - well, not closed doors I guess - just unanswered when we knocked.
Our 1st question is simply if she is available - we know now we cannot assume - so we asked for the facilitator to check. They are very busy, and we are trying to be patient.
We have paperwork that is set to expire very soon and we would likely have to resubmit portions of our dossier....
Given the fact that during the 'back & forth' is when 'our' Oleksandra found herself in another family - we are hesitant to continue once that paperwork expires - we just see ourselves falling into the same sadness.
We have a couple other countries we are looking at. I must admit - we are SO exhausted, emotionally and physically. It is so hard to hear our kid's ask 'When are we going to find our little sister?'
Who knew it would be so difficult to adopt a 'hard to place' orphan =/
It is a worthy cause and we would do it again, and we will continue this journey, but it has been a rough week or so - it doesn't sound that long, but this past week has seemed to be painfully long and the 'what if's' and the 'what now?' is driving us insane.
We know God has a plan, and we know that we aren't promised easy roads all the time - we know we chose this particularly difficult road (adoption) - we just pray to find the end of the tunnel soon!!
We appreciate your prayers & support in the meantime!
Kate
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